5 years ago...

Leah had to leave this world much much too early, 5 years ago today. We love and miss you Leah, deeply.

I'm sure those many of us thinking of her today, and everyday, have considered what it would be like if she were here now during the trying times for our world.

I read somewhere recently, that those of us who are anxious about the potential toll the coronavirus could have on our health or our loved ones, or our livelihoods for that matter, could learn a thing or two from cancer patients.

Leah learned to live with great uncertainty, and had to endure a great number of challenges and scary times, yet she strove to find perseverance and make the best of each day despite theses odds against her, which were far far worse than we face today.

She also recognized the joy in staying compassionate towards others even when feeling fearful yourself. Below is her post from March 15, 2014 which starts with her quoting the book, Comfortable with Uncertainty

Awakening

"Everything we do can be done with one intention, to wake up, to ripen our compassion, and we want to ripen our ability to let go, we want to realize our connection with all beings. Everything in our life has the potential to put us to sleep or wake us up, allowing it to awaken us is up to us."

I feel like this idea of allowing things to awaken us is so applicable to my life. Instead of just shutting down and going to sleep over what I am dealt with, I want to be awakened and do with it what I can to make a difference. Someone emailed me yesterday saying that they read some of my postings and that it encouraged them to reach out to a friend in need. That was the greatest gift to me, to hear that my words were encouraging to someone and that the encouragement allowed that person to touch another's life. How much better of a gift could there be?!

-Leah Ploutz

Happy Birthday Leah

Happy birthday Leah! She would be 39 today. 

I think of her often. And so much more so now that I’m a mom. I just want to share a few things that stand out to me.

I admired so many things about her, but one of the things that most impressed me was how great of a mom she was. 

She shared so much with me about her pregnancies & raising Elly & Drew. I remember when she told me she was pregnant with Elly on one of our after-work runs near Easton’s Beach. And I had a hunch she was pregnant with Drew days before she took a test. She was my 1st friend to have kids and she made being a mom look do-able. I'd say she made it look easy, but she was always realistic in sharing the struggles. Even though I was a decade behind her as far as being ready for kids, her impact on me was profound.

I always imagined & hoped I would one day tell her all about my pregnancy and my own kid. And I would say "remember when you told me ... [whatever it was], well that happened to me too, or that happened with my kid too". I understand those things now.

And some things are even more bewildering to me now.  Like how Drew wouldn't take a bottle though she tried everything. So, when Leah went back to work her nanny would bring Drew into work to nurse multiple times a day. At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal, but now I have a better grasp about the commitment & dedication that went into completely feeding him by nursing! 

Some things are painfully in focus. When she was battling cancer and experiencing a bad day, she would light up when her kids walked into the room. At the time I was astounded that simply looking at someone you loved could be such strong medicine. That feels right to me now. But taking that another step further, what strength it must have taken that even with everything going on, she never shut them out from bringing her joy. She always found the energy to be present with them and never padded & protected her heart by shutting down.

I miss my best friend. And it's not much of an exaggeration to say I think of her every day. Most of the time it's fine, but it can still be heartbreaking. The name "Leah" can still put a lump in my throat and send me into a bit of a sad spell. I want so much for her to be remembered & thought of. But selfishly I must admit if I had given my daughter the middle name “Leah” like I considered, I don’t know if I could handle writing her full name on documents for years to come. Would the rawness go away over time? Instead, we picked "Grace" for a middle name because Leah handled her life and her cancer battle and everything with such grace. One day I will tell my daughter Emelyn Grace about all the good things that happened in my life because I had a best friend named Leah.

I hope it’s okay to mention that there is a special little someone who DOES have “Leah” as a middle name – Leah’s new little niece!! I think Bryan’s brother & sister-in-law are so incredible to honor Leah’s memory this way! And from the pictures I’ve seen, she’s absolutely adorable! <3

p.s. I saw Leah's Cancer Warrior "Strength to Dance, Courage to Win" magnet on a car a couple days ago and it made me so happy! Thank you to whomever that was!

In memory of Leah: Leah's Baskets

Today marks 4 years since Leah had to exit this life tragically early.

This is exactly the kind of day that Leah would have thoughtfully messaged a friend or family member. Other occasions, such as someone going through a tough time in life, she was likely attuned to, and would reach-out with a creative gift basket or gift certificate, or organizing a fundraising pool to get someone a fantastically practical item, such as an iPad for our Aunt Joanne during her cancer diagnoses and surgery.

Leah's heart was noticed by many, including a friend of the Ploutz family, Mary Valentine, who was inspired to start a custom gift basket service called Leah's Baskets that she's been tirelessly operating, she's even formed a not-for-profit, Leah's Basket's, Inc.

https://www.facebook.com/pg/leahsbaskets1/

Her post from today beautifully sums up it's provenance:

Leah passed away four years ago today. Not long after, Leah's Baskets was created to honor her memory, so Drew and Elly knew their mother made a difference while she was here. The original plan was only to bring baskets to those under Hospice care. But then a friend posted about her friend who had been recently diagnosed with cancer. I thought maybe I could pull together a care package to send. Her response was favorable, so I sent one to another person battling cancer. Then donations in all shapes and sizes began to show up in my office and home. I never expected it and was overjoyed and overwhelmed by everyone's generosity. This enabled me to do more than I had ever dreamed. Before long, we brought our camper home and it became the office for Leah's Baskets. I LOVE giving a little bit of joy to those under Hospice Care, but it's wonderfully fulfilling to send a box of love filled with hope and support to someone we hope will beat this dreaded disease. Bless you all, those fighting, those supporting and those that now watch us from above. XOXOXO

Mary customizes each gift basket after a brief interview with the loved one's family or friend, and she also includes items she's curated that are inspired by Leah's dragonfly.

Just look at these recent postings on facebook, there's activity nearly every few days!






Others donate items to add to the stock....



As my mom said, "Can you think of anything more perfect to honor Leah than this."

Undoubtedly, each basket is imbued with Leah's love and she would be extremely touched knowing this was being done in her name, as are we.

Leah's 38th birthday

The drizzle let up today and a few of Leah's cousins and I went to the beautiful stone bench located on the forest trail near her house, on her 38th birthday...

However, you don't need to venture into the woods to see a lovely memorial for Leah, many homes in her neighborhood still feature her cancer warrior magnets and were recently refreshed with new ones! Celine, Leah's amazing neighbor and friend, who we also have to thank for the bench, found a left over box of magnets and organized Elly, Drew, and some of their neighborhood friends to replace the weathered ones for shiny new! On mailboxes and even a garage door or two, these continue to pepper the neighborhood as a reminder of Leah's strong warrior spirit. Leah's inspiration for the design and her inspiration to all of us, is best explained by her post from MONDAY, MARCH 10, 2014, titled Warriors...

I'm reading a new book and I'd like to share some excerpts from it over the next few postings.  The book is called, Comfortable with uncertainty. The book talks about what a warrior is and I liked this part:

 A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe.  But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty.  This not-knowing is part of the adventure.  It is also what makes us afraid.  

I have to agree that the not knowing is very scary and makes me afraid.  And I have to say the adventure I have is not one I would have chosen but it is what I was given.  I try every day to learn to accept it and accept that I cannot change it.  I can only change how I chose to handle what I was given.  A lot of people have used the word Grace when describing how I handle my cancer, I kind of like that.  I certainly try to have grace and acceptance and I think that's what warriors need. -Leah Ploutz

Leah's Birthday!

Today is Leah's Birthday! Leah, we miss you so so so very much.

First I want to call attention to two posts she wrote regarding her birthday:  "DOB: 7/22/1980" and  "another birthday".

I also want to share with everyone a movie that was the last film Leah saw in the theater, probably the last movie she really got to pay attention to and enjoy. It was in Tucson just a couple of nights before she flew with me back to Rhode Island only days later endeding up in the hospital with the worsening news.

It's a hand-drawn animation called Song of the Sea, the story is based on Celtic foklore. At the time it already had rave reviews and still has held it's amazing 99% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. 

When the film began we immediately learned that the Mother in the story dies, leaving her 2 young children. I remember us looking at each other and we knew we were both thinking, "ahh crap another cancer movie!". Leah and her family seemed to have a regular knack for accidentally finding ourselves watching a film where a lead character turns out to get cancer, or in this case where one of the parents die. Such movies can take a little warming up to, sometimes with a payoff, overtimes not quite worth the untimely reminder of her own situation when she's seeking distraction.

This particular story is what someone described as having "That interplay of reality and magic makes it the most complex and subtle exploration of grief in a children’s film – perhaps any film full stop – since Pixar’s Up.".

I remember Leah, like me, didn't love love love it like it appears so many do, but she enjoyed the film. If you don't normally watch animations, be patient and give it some time to bring you in.

I honestly have forgotten much of the story-line and will have to watch it again soon! Actually it lullabied me to sleep in the middle, however that's a testament to it's immersive dreamscape. 

 Let me know what you think if you have already or do watch it. You can find it on google play, itunes, youtube, vudu, etc for $4.99 for the HD version, which is recommended because it's so visually striking.

Everyday Hearts

Last year I made a post about a beautiful book created by Jackie, inspired and encouraged by Leah.

http://leahstatus.blogspot.com/2015/06/everyday-hearts.html

From Jackie:

Last year I created a book called "Everyday Hearts" in honor of Leah

With Leah's Birthday coming up in July I thought it would be a good time to release the book again.

  

After Leah was diagnosed with cancer I started finding hearts everywhere. I started seding her texts with photos of the hearts I found. She used to tell me I should make a book with my heart photos. After she passed away I created the book in her memory.

Proceeds from the sale will go to the Elleanah and Drew Ploutz Trust Fund.  

"Everyday Hearts" is a 5.75" x 7.75" hardcover book with 20 pages of photos and stories. 

The book sells for $25 and will be gift-wrapped and include a bookmark. Please add $5 if you'd like the book shipped (up to 3 books can be shipped together for $5).

If you're interested in placing an order or have any questions, please email me at: jackiebmassage@cox.net. 

Books will be available the week of June 20th.

Thank you!

Missing Leah

Please be sure to check out Ben's post below this. I didn't want to take away from his post.

Leah passed away a year ago today. She was the best friend I’ve ever had and her friendship changed my life. I am blessed to have many wonderful, supportive, close friends, but Leah stands out. I recently and inadvertently learned that astrologically we saw the world in much the same way and I don’t know what I believe, but that feels right and nice.

She was the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met and I always told her this. She’d go out of her way for people even when she didn’t know them very well. This was how she worked her way into my heart. After only knowing her a couple months and she met my former, unfavorable boyfriend, she discreetly organized a monthly girls group so that I might be surrounded by love and supportive strong women should I decide one day that I deserved more than what I was getting in my relationship. She only confessed her intentions years later after I had done just that and after we had cemented our friendship, then the puzzle pieces  of those get togethers all made sense. 

People’s birthdays were important to her – or rather I should say that celebrating a person was important to her and birthdays were the perfect excuse to make someone feel special. She organized all the birthdays at work, and I know she was just as diligent for friends and family. Even while she was going through chemotherapy and feeling miserable, she would remember birthdays, and ask for a friend’s latest news and feel empathy even when it was small in comparison to her own struggles, and she would see to it that everyone felt comfortable when they visited with her even though it was a difficult time.

She had a hearty, genuine, contagious laugh and she always had a funny story to share. She could turn a simple grocery store trip into a story that would have me throwing back my head to laugh. The stories about her kids were the best. She always had a glimmer in her eye when talking about them. Even during the darkest moments towards the end, she would light up whenever Elly or Drew entered the room. She was an amazing mom and so in love with her kids.

She loved her family so much and would talk about them to the point where you felt like you already knew all the best things about them before you even met them. I love how a friend summed up how Leah put it all out there: “This is who I am and this is my family. Here it is.” Leah made everyone feel included and she opened up to me and let me into her family. It has been a privilege to know such wonderful people and see the supportive, loving network they wove when a family member was in need.

Leah liked peppers and onions on her pizza. I don’t know why, but this is important to me and I can’t have a bell pepper without thinking about her. And as odd as it sounds, same deal with flossing my teeth probably because I saw her floss her teeth every single night for as long as she physically could. If it were me, flossing would probably have been one of the first things I stopped doing, haha.

It was easier to be with her than to not be with her. I was able to come over and help care for Leah frequently during the 2.5 years after her diagnosis and she was so easy to care for because she was so grateful and graceful. Her mom and primary caretaker summed it up perfectly today , and I couldn’t agree more. “I kept expecting her to rage at the injustice of it all, to say “why me?”, or just to break down and scream or cry. She never did any of those things. She never got difficult to care for or to please and she was always grateful. She would weep quietly at times, especially after holding one of the kids. She continued to live and plan things as long as she was able. Leah had the combination of being strong and continuing to live, but also accepting her death.” Everyone is different and handles things differently and it's not right or wrong, but i particularly admired Leah's style in this regard.

It’s taken me a year, numerous drafts , deletions, tears, and giving up, to finally post this. It’s no where near as perfect as I envisioned or wanted it to be to honor her memory. And there is so much that could have been said. But I hope it is a good glimpse.

It's been a year since Leah passed away, on March 23rd, 2015

It's been a year since Leah passed away, on March 23rd, 2015, and yet, still it seems unimaginable she's no longer here. Time has passed slowly, time has passed quickly, but she remains in our hearts forever.

Leah recorded videos of Elly as a baby and uploaded them to her public photobucket account. These have been on the web since she's posted them, perhaps you've come across them if you googled her name. Now all 56 of her videos are combined in a single 36 minute video I've posted on YouTube (see embed below). Together they piece together a beautiful slideshow through Leah's eyes, of experiences with her first child Eliannah. Watch and you will see, what Leah's friend Kim said when viewing these "She was such an amazing mom and so in love with her kids". While the grief of her loss is raw while watching her recordings, you may find it's cathartic and what our cousin Rachael said was nice to "hear Leah's voice and laugh". I think you too will laugh along with Leah, aka Giggleah (her chosen photobucket username). There are of course additional recordings I and others made of Leah, that I'd like to post in the future.

 A Paypal account has been setup for Elly and Drew's trust fund. If you would like to donate, the Paypal button is posted below. There is no need to actually have a Paypal account to donate you can check-out as a guest if you and use any credit card.

 

Elly and Drew Ploutz 

Trust Fund

"Leah's Baskets"

Mary Valentine, has created a non-profit in Leah's memory. She writes:
I started this venture on January 1^st and work with our local hospice in Watertown, NY. We’ve created a new patient “welcome” basket and deliver monthly “thinking of you” baskets to the 8 residents. Since I’m doing this by myself and I work full-time, I’m just concentrating on this Hospice. It’s my hope that by next Christmas I can send holiday baskets to the hospice that cared for Leah in RI.

check it out on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/leahsbaskets1/

Everyday Hearts book on sale

Hi Everyone!
It is wonderful that you're still checking Leeah's blog though not much has been going on.

The book Everyday Hearts (created in dedication to Leah) will be available for purchase again soon and can be ordered through Jackie Davis at jackiebmassage@cox.net. Proceeds will continue to go to the Elleanah and Drew Ploutz Trust Fund.
Copies compltely sold out at Leah's Memorial Party on July 25th, so Jackie is collecting orders for a second round. $25 for the book plus $5 for shipping. The inspirational book is a great gift and Christmas season is approaching!

Jackie is also considering making another book available next March, so stay tuned! Many people have shared the hearts they have found in unexpected places and it has been very inspiring.

Reminder

Everyday Hearts will be available for purchase at Leah's Memorial Event July 25th

Leah's Dragonfly Fun Run/Walk

Leah's cousin Sarah is organizing a fun run/walk the morning of the party - open to all who are interested!

Date: July 25th
Time: 9:30 am
Place: 151 Carriage Drive, Portsmouth RI
We will be running and/or walking starting on Carriage Drive, through the Aquidneck Land Trust (one of Leah's favorite spots), and around Oakland Farms.  The total distance is about 2 miles.
Feel free to wear a warrior t-shirt or a blue shirt for colon cancer.


Please sign up at the following link so Sarah can get a rough count of how many peoplw will be there.

http://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0945afaf2ea1fb6-leahs/

Thanks for your support!!!!

Leah's Memorial Event July 25th

Leah's husband Bryan is hosting a backyard event in honor of Leah's birthday. This will be a time to remember and celebrate!

When: Saturday July 25, 2015 (rain or shine - there will be a big tent)
           starts at 1:00pm - come & go as you'd like during the day
Where: Ploutz House - 151 Carriage Drive, Portsmouth, RI (parking along street)
Who: Family & friends. If you're wondering if you're a close enough friend to attend, the answer is yes! They'd love to have you!

La Bella Musica (a string quartet!!) will start playing at 1:30pm

There will be food from Becky's BBQ! Barbeque pulled chicken and pork, corn on the cob, corn bread, baked beans, potato salad, and cole slaw.
If you'd like something else, feel free to bring a side dish to share or a dessert. Please use disposable dishes/platters or take home any dishes you'd like to keep.

There will be yard activities for the kids (playground, and maybe a water table & bouncy house)

A Facebook event was created to track RSVP's to get a rough head count. Here is the link:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1449775035340905/
It should be open to anyone but if you have trouble accessing it, let us know. You may also RSVP by commenting to this post.

There will be more information on the Fun Run later.

Everyday Hearts

Everyday Hearts - an inspirational photo book

Leah's friend, Jackie Davis, has created a wonderful photo book in memory of Leah. Details are below. It is a joy to "find" the heart in each photograph, and inspires me to look at nature more closely.
Please consider pre-ordering your copy by emailing Jackie at jackiebmassage@cox.net before June 13th so she can order enough.


So I finally put all those hearts I've been finding to good use. After losing my friend Leah in March I got the idea (though she had actually set it in motion before she passed away).

During Leah's battle with colon cancer I would send her texts with photos of the hearts I found. She used to tell me I should make a book with my heart photos. After going over the idea with her husband Bryan I decided to do just that.

I created a book called 'Everyday Hearts.' It features over 35 photos of the hearts I've found with stories that go with them. The book is dedicated to Leah and proceeds from its sale will go to the Trust Fund that has been set up for her young children Elleanah and Drew.

'Everyday Hearts' is $25, will be gift-wrapped and include a bookmark. It's a 5.75" x 7.75" hardcover book with 20 pages of photos.

It will be available at some local businesses in Bristol. I'll have copies as will Kim McCarthy. And they'll be available at Leah's event in July.

Books can be shipped for a fee of $5. If it's a gift I can ship it and include a hand-written note to the receiver on your behalf.

I'd like to know who is interested in purchasing a book so I can be sure to order enough. I can ship it to you or set aside for you and have it at the event in July. Or Kim or I can coordinate it being picked up.  They will be ready within the next two weeks or so.

I can be reached at: jackiebmassage@cox.net

Thank you to my husband Tim, Leah's husband Bryan and Leah's friend Kim for all their help!
~ Jackie Davis

Save the Date! Saturday, July 25th

In honor and remembrance of Leah's birthday July 22, there are some fun events scheduled for Saturday July 25, 2015.

Family and Friends Fun Run in the morning, organized by Leah's cousins.
Memorial Party the same day in the afternoon, hosted by Bryan.

Details to be determined.

Leah, fair Leah

Matt Atwood (and family) wrote 5 songs for Leah and shared them with her during her journey. They are embedded below, and here is the direct link: https://soundcloud.com/basement-audio-lab/sets/leah

Leah the prankster

[read this post to see what the memory sharing is all about] 

At the end of Leah's memorial service on Friday March 27 at the Atlantic Beach Club, there was time to publicly share Leah-memories. Leah's friend Sarah McLean lives in Los Angelos, California so she recorded this video that was shared on the projector that day. The text version is below for those who can't watch the video.

My name is Sarah Mclean, also known as "TV Sarah", and I worked at SEA CORP for 6 years alongside Leah. I wanted to

SHOWING UP FOR LIFE: A legacy

[read this post to see what the memory sharing is all about]

I remember when Leah was first diagnosed. It was pretty surreal for us all within and of itself, but then added was the backdrop that we already had a family member with cancer. This surely could not be happening. Because of the initial surgery and outcome I remember saying to Leah that it seemed like she had cancer with the “small C.” (I will never use that term again) This was a result of my own denial and chastisement, in part, but also the beginning of how this disease and its course invaded Leah’s body and the lives of those who loved her. No small part of this initial assessment of mine was the additional optimism one needs to feel when given a cancer diagnosis, test, and surgery results.

Blog September 28, 2012:

Surgery was completed at 5:15pm. Surgeon says it all went as planned, there was just the 1 tumor and he got it all. 18 inches of colon removed and many nodes for testing. Determined that no bag would be needed! All in all it's the best news we could expect at this point. She's waking up soon.

We thought we were on our way to chemo and wellness.

October 26, 2012, blog post:

 PET scan results

Well thank God for the yay list because we have bad news. I just got off the phone with the oncologist and the scan results are in. The PET is 99% accurate and it showed that the nodule is cancer and that there are also other several other tiny spots around it that are cancerous as well. The staging is now changed to stage 4 cancer. The plan is still to use chemo to treat the cancer in the lungs, so thank God for Chemo!

This news hit us all like a ton of bricks to the head. I remember taking a call from my sister,

"Seacorp daughter"

[read this post to see what the memory sharing is all about]

I met Leah the first day she started at SEA CORP. She and I shared an office with another new employee. We quickly became friends and had many discussions on everything under the sun. Leah was the same age as my daughter and our friendship took on the aspect of a Father and Daughter. At some point she started referring to me as her East Coast Father. As time passed, my company “Daughters” increased to five. They began calling me their SEA CORP Dad and included me in almost everything they did. A few years ago Leah had my daughter take one of my company jackets and she had “Dad” embroidered underneath the “SEA CORP” logo. She called me and said the ladies were having lunch together and I should come over. When I got there, they presented me with my “new” jacket and I was at a loss for words. That was how I got my “SEA CORP Dad” jacket. Leah was like that, thinking of how to make other people happy. She did that for everyone she knew.

We had many talks/ discussions on various subjects over time and it got to the point where she had a chair designated for me and put a sign above it that said "Rudy’s Chair". That sign followed her around when she moved offices and I always got a smile when I would go to her office and see the designated chair.  We celebrated birthdays by going out to lunch and occasionally we just went out to break up the day. When Leah and Bryan set their wedding date, she couldn’t wait to tell me it was on my birthday. Our lunches continued after her diagnosis and became more frequent.  Leah was always upbeat when we met and she was very open with what was going on and the treatment she was receiving. Occasionally we would set a lunch date and she would call or text saying she really didn’t feel like going out so we could have lunch at her home.  She would ask me what I wanted and I would tell her the same as she was having. So I would have my Vegan lunch. 

Leah was a kind, caring and gracious person.  I am thankful that I could spend time with her as a friend (Daughter) and will always remember her and will miss her every day. 

-SEA CORP Dad