Happy Birthday Leah

Happy birthday Leah! She would be 39 today. 

I think of her often. And so much more so now that I’m a mom. I just want to share a few things that stand out to me.

I admired so many things about her, but one of the things that most impressed me was how great of a mom she was. 

She shared so much with me about her pregnancies & raising Elly & Drew. I remember when she told me she was pregnant with Elly on one of our after-work runs near Easton’s Beach. And I had a hunch she was pregnant with Drew days before she took a test. She was my 1st friend to have kids and she made being a mom look do-able. I'd say she made it look easy, but she was always realistic in sharing the struggles. Even though I was a decade behind her as far as being ready for kids, her impact on me was profound.

I always imagined & hoped I would one day tell her all about my pregnancy and my own kid. And I would say "remember when you told me ... [whatever it was], well that happened to me too, or that happened with my kid too". I understand those things now.

And some things are even more bewildering to me now.  Like how Drew wouldn't take a bottle though she tried everything. So, when Leah went back to work her nanny would bring Drew into work to nurse multiple times a day. At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal, but now I have a better grasp about the commitment & dedication that went into completely feeding him by nursing! 

Some things are painfully in focus. When she was battling cancer and experiencing a bad day, she would light up when her kids walked into the room. At the time I was astounded that simply looking at someone you loved could be such strong medicine. That feels right to me now. But taking that another step further, what strength it must have taken that even with everything going on, she never shut them out from bringing her joy. She always found the energy to be present with them and never padded & protected her heart by shutting down.

I miss my best friend. And it's not much of an exaggeration to say I think of her every day. Most of the time it's fine, but it can still be heartbreaking. The name "Leah" can still put a lump in my throat and send me into a bit of a sad spell. I want so much for her to be remembered & thought of. But selfishly I must admit if I had given my daughter the middle name “Leah” like I considered, I don’t know if I could handle writing her full name on documents for years to come. Would the rawness go away over time? Instead, we picked "Grace" for a middle name because Leah handled her life and her cancer battle and everything with such grace. One day I will tell my daughter Emelyn Grace about all the good things that happened in my life because I had a best friend named Leah.

I hope it’s okay to mention that there is a special little someone who DOES have “Leah” as a middle name – Leah’s new little niece!! I think Bryan’s brother & sister-in-law are so incredible to honor Leah’s memory this way! And from the pictures I’ve seen, she’s absolutely adorable! <3

p.s. I saw Leah's Cancer Warrior "Strength to Dance, Courage to Win" magnet on a car a couple days ago and it made me so happy! Thank you to whomever that was!