the waiting game

So I had my scan today.  I unfortunately in the past few weeks have started to feel my tumors again.  The ones on my sides that prevented me from being able to sleep in a bed for months are starting to hurt again and I can now feel them and they had shrunk so much that I couldn't feel them.  The worst is that I notice it when holding my kids, having them press against my abdomen is painful and it's starting to be painful enough that I can't pick them up.  This makes me sad for so many reasons.

I will call tomorrow to get results although they are horrible at returning phone calls at my drs office so I have a feeling I will just have to wait until my appointment on monday to find out.  The thing is, I know it must show that there is growth, because I can feel the growth!  I am interested in what the Dr will say though.  I wonder if she will think this is from the long break I had when I went to Arizona, I haven't had a scan since then.  I know it's not from eliminating the drug last time because at that point I could already feel the tumors growing.  I am also curious what her suggestions of treatment will be.  There is one other chemo that is the 3rd line of defense (I have already been on the first line and the one i'm on now is the 2nd line)  The 3rd line of defense has an average of working for about 6 weeks, so that is not very promising.

It has been a rough week full of making decisions and dealing with old pains again from my tumors.  Still researching alternative methods.,