I can't really get excited yet that there are only 3 more treatments. It sounds so daunting when I'm in the middle of everything even though I know it's not much left. I still have to just get through each day. My hair does in fact continue to grow despite what I thought a while ago but it is falling out like crazy which is discouraging. I don't think its that noticeable yet and maybe it will stop but it is probably a third of what I had before all of this.
This last treatment really wiped me out, I had one good day and the rest weren't so much. Hopefully this coming week won't be too exhausting so I can rest up!
I have such amazing people in my life to be thankful for. I have my amazing husband and my mom here with me to help with everything. AND Monday through Friday one of my cousins, friends or someone from church comes to help with the kids for bedtime and dinner time. We still have 3 meals brought to us each week through the pastor and his wife, our neighborhood and people at work. Our amazing neighbors next door have babysat countless times for us and we have to force them to take payment, which usually doesn't work. They have allowed Bryan and I to have much needed date afternoons where we can go try and be a normal couple. Thank you to everyone who makes my life easier through this time with meals, babysitting and friendship!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
fatigue
fa·tigue
[fuh-teeg]adjective, verb, fa·tigued, fa·ti·guing.
noun
1. weariness from bodily or mental exertion.
2. a cause of weariness; slow ordeal; exertion: the fatigue of driving for many hours.
3. Physiology . temporary diminution of the irritability or functioning of organs, tissues, or cells after excessive exertion or stimulation.
4. Civil Engineering . the weakening or breakdown of material subjected to stress, especially a repeated series of stresses.
I was going to only list the most appropriate definition but I couldn't make up my mind. This is the only word I can think of to describe the way I've been feeling lately. I think the chemo rounds are finally catching up. I have noticed after number 7 that my "good weeks" are turning into tired weeks. I just can't seem to feel rested when I get up in the morning and I'm tired all day. I also seem to consistently get a head ache halfway through the week that lasts for like 3-4 days and I can't get rid of it. Not liking this new pattern.
My mom returns from Arizona on Sunday so I think that will be a huge help with my tiredness, having a built in babysitter is really the best thing ever!
My mom returns from Arizona on Sunday so I think that will be a huge help with my tiredness, having a built in babysitter is really the best thing ever!
Anyway, enough complaining, one thing I really wanted to get across is how much I still love getting comments on the blog. I get emails on my phone when comments get posted and it just brings a smile to my face everytime someone writes something. You are all so encouraging and supportive and I feel so constantly loved by everyone reading my blog and leaving me little notes of inspiration, so keep it up it is really helpful for my mental well being!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Life is full of surprises
The two most prominent surprises in my life that stick out in my mind are: finding out that the girl I had been carrying around in my belly for 9 months was in fact a boy and being told I had a cancerous tumor after my colononscopy.
I was told when I was 5 months pregnant that I was having a second girl and we prepared the rest of the pregnancy for our daughter. When I gave birth and found out that I had a boy instead, it was shocking for less time than one would think. I would say within hours I was already used to the idea and within days it was like a distant memory that we were supposed to have had another girl instead of a boy. Except of course for the bright pink room that they both still share.
Finding out that I had cancer, well, there isn't a day that I don't have a moment in it where I say, really this is my life now? Can't I wake up already and have this bad nightmare be over? But having a boy made the second surprise of having cancer a tiny bit easier to handle. I have decided that after having the poison of chemo I am certainly not going to create any more babies in my body. If I end up getting radiation I won't even have that choice, I will become infertile and go through menopause at the age of 32. When I thought I was having a 2nd girl I had promised Bryan I was willing to try one more time for a boy to carry on the Ploutz name. And lo and behold I didn't even have to! I am totally ok with the idea of not having anymore kids and I feel blessed that I don't have to go through an emotional roller coaster with this situation. I think being emotionally exhausted every day for the past 5 months has made me realize that in my new life I couldn't handle another baby and my two healthy beautiful children are such a blessing, what more could I ask for?
I was told when I was 5 months pregnant that I was having a second girl and we prepared the rest of the pregnancy for our daughter. When I gave birth and found out that I had a boy instead, it was shocking for less time than one would think. I would say within hours I was already used to the idea and within days it was like a distant memory that we were supposed to have had another girl instead of a boy. Except of course for the bright pink room that they both still share.
Finding out that I had cancer, well, there isn't a day that I don't have a moment in it where I say, really this is my life now? Can't I wake up already and have this bad nightmare be over? But having a boy made the second surprise of having cancer a tiny bit easier to handle. I have decided that after having the poison of chemo I am certainly not going to create any more babies in my body. If I end up getting radiation I won't even have that choice, I will become infertile and go through menopause at the age of 32. When I thought I was having a 2nd girl I had promised Bryan I was willing to try one more time for a boy to carry on the Ploutz name. And lo and behold I didn't even have to! I am totally ok with the idea of not having anymore kids and I feel blessed that I don't have to go through an emotional roller coaster with this situation. I think being emotionally exhausted every day for the past 5 months has made me realize that in my new life I couldn't handle another baby and my two healthy beautiful children are such a blessing, what more could I ask for?
Thursday, February 7, 2013
home again
I made it home safely on Monday. Had chemo Tuesday and here I am again, in bed, awaiting for Monday to come because I know I will feel better by then.
I had an apt with my oncologist on Tuesday which proved to be full of more confusing information regarding radiation and my lung, so no news there. Except I guess the new confusing news. He seems to think whether or not the spot in my lung is cancer will effect the decision of whether or not to do radiation. So this means I still won't know if I'm going down that path until after pathology report comes back after surgery. He thinks that if it has spread to my lung this means there is less of a reason to do radiation on my colon area to prevent spreading since it would have already proven to have spread.
Surgery should be mid April and I'm trying to figure out how to get back to Tucson before then! I realized how sad it was this morning when I was picturing myself back in a hospital bed awaiting surgery and wanting to be there because it meant chemo was over, so I need a new exciting trip or something to look forward to that doesn't involve a hospital or surgery!
I had an apt with my oncologist on Tuesday which proved to be full of more confusing information regarding radiation and my lung, so no news there. Except I guess the new confusing news. He seems to think whether or not the spot in my lung is cancer will effect the decision of whether or not to do radiation. So this means I still won't know if I'm going down that path until after pathology report comes back after surgery. He thinks that if it has spread to my lung this means there is less of a reason to do radiation on my colon area to prevent spreading since it would have already proven to have spread.
Surgery should be mid April and I'm trying to figure out how to get back to Tucson before then! I realized how sad it was this morning when I was picturing myself back in a hospital bed awaiting surgery and wanting to be there because it meant chemo was over, so I need a new exciting trip or something to look forward to that doesn't involve a hospital or surgery!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Friends
friend
(fr
nd)
nd)
n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or
cause; a comrade.
I have been able to visit with a few friends from college and high school while out here in Tucson. One of my friends from college flew in from Colorado to surprise me, and it worked! It has been great to see everyone and reminisce. I leave for RI tomorrow, and I am missing my kids and husband but certainly not ready to get back in the chemo chair.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Respite
res·pite
/ˈrespət/
Noun
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