Taking names- part 2

A big THANK YOU to everyone who submitted their names to help with a project I'm working on (see post from October 2nd http://leahstatus.blogspot.com/2013/10/taking-names.html).

 I was extremely touched by every single email that either contained a name or in some cases a story of how they knew Leah or their positive wishes for her and her family (this was not necessary or expected, just something I enjoyed reading and of course I don't think anyone cares less if they didn't share a story). As a friend, I am sooo happy she has a wonderful group of people rooting for her and I am so glad you all know what a special person she is.

There were people who hadn't met Leah but followed her story because they knew a family member or friend and their hearts went out to her, and that is exactly what I was looking for and wish to include.

There is still time if you want your name involved but haven't emailed me yet.
I was hoping to have it done by now and be able to post a picture on the blog (the names will not be readable in the picture for privacy), but I am so sorry I have been very busy. And I don't think I allowed for enough time for people to email anyway, so I'll extend the deadline a little longer.

Please stay tuned for the finished product.

Thanks!!
Leah's friend, Kim

welcome to my head

So when I do the meditation, this is where I am.  This is a place about 15 mins from my house where I grew up swimming.  And it is even more amazing in person.  This is the exact spot I pretend I am on when I let my mind wander and escape from my cancer.  The rocks soak up the sun and heat me from the back while the sun heats me up on top!

 And these are some of my fam that came to enjoy the scenery on this freezing cold day. 

I still don't have any fluid build up that I can tell anyway.  I am dissapointed that I haven't been feeling very good in my tummy despite this.  I thought the cramping and discomfort all along was the fluid and now i'm still experiencing these symptoms so I'm not sure if it's the chemo or what, but I haven't felt great the past few days.  I also am not excited about the cold, I am thinking a winter Arizona trip will be in order at some point!

Something wonderful is happening

My mom bought me this mediation CD.  I am not normally that accepting of trying meditation but I tried it and loved it.  It is a meditation specifically for someone with cancer going through chemo.  At one point during the meditation the woman mentions of something wonderful taking place.  This phrase is very emotional for me as I feel as if something wonderful has finally happened to me.

 I was drained on Monday and I haven't developed much fluid.  Last time I was drained, this many days later I had a significant amount of fluid and would be uncomfortable by now.  I slept on my side for a little bit last night and it wasn't painful! I also had a wonderful massage today at the healing co op and was able to lay on my stomach to get my back massaged, I can't remember the last time I was able to lay on my stomach!   And the best part of all, I was able to hold my son, I haven't been able to pick him up and hold him in over a month!!  I feel as though these are all signs that the chemo is working!!  Something wonderful is happening!

So much sun!

This fall has been unbelievable, there is just so much sun!  I found myself outside today every chance I got.  I followed the sun as it inched off our front patio, like a cat, curled up letting it soak into my back.  The ultimate heating pad!  I am now sitting in a meditative position on my front lawn with the sun striking my face.  Feels amazing!

I have been struggling with my nutrition.  I'm the girl who claimed she was going to juice, juice and more juice!  I am nauseas most of the time which makes eating in general difficult!  I haven't been very good about eating veggies lately, shhh don't tell my brother.  He went home for a few weeks to take care of some things but plans to come back in a week for a longer stay.  I need his influence!  Did you know he tells me how and why each vegetable is good for me when I eat them, how encouraging is that!  I feel like my 4 year old!

I have my second round of chemo tomorrow, so I need prayers for getting through the day.  I have plans to get drained before.  The drainage is proving to be more nerve racking each time and I had a bad experience last time when I switched to newport hospital which is closer to home.  So I need prayers for my anxiety.

God bless!

walk a thon

A former employee of mine is organizing the below, I am going to try to make it but as I said in my last post I can't really get out much so if I can make a quick appearance I will:


WALK-A-THON
Portsmouth High School Track
October 19, 2013
1-4 PM
SPONSORED BY PORTSMOUTH HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADING

Making strides against cancer in the month of October is the mission of RIIL and schools across the nation. We all try to wear some form of pink at games and bring awareness to this disease. This year as in past years Portsmouth Cheerleading is selling Tee Shirts for the Healing Co-op in the name of Leah Ploutz and all Portsmouth Residents. We will be selling them at the Football games during the month of October and at our Walk-A-Thon on Saturday 19 October 2013. We will release memorial balloons for your family member or friend that has been stricken with this disease. There will be music, face painting, tumble track for the kids and more fun…….

Please Join Us At:
WHERE: PORTSMOUTH HIGH SCHOOL TRACK
WHEN: 19 OCTOBER 2013
TIME: 1-4
COST: $10 REGISTRATION FEE

TEE SHIRTS, REFRESHMENTS AND MEMORIAL Balloons WILL BE SOLD AT THE EVENT AND ALL PROCEEDS FROM THESE ITEMS WILL GO TO THE HEALING CO OP. Please forward all responses to Dvalente@seacorp.com or D. Valente, 117 Lewis Street, Tiverton, RI 02878 Checks made payable to Portsmouth Cheerleading note on remitter that it is for Healing Co op.

terminally ill

What is it like to live every day knowing that you have a disease that at this point in time, is likely going to take over your body and take your life?  I am not sure yet.  Last year when I was diagnosed I was sure that I could beat this and that by now I would have had my life back, but such is not the case.  I always go through the what ifs but I don't know that I'd be in any different place than I am now, and so therefore it is a moot point and shouldn't have my time and energy wasted on it. 

I do believe in miracles, I see them every day.  I get letters in the mail with people whose lives I have effected in the hugest way because of what I'm going through and how I'm handling it, those are all little miracles.  I believe in acceptance and hope and those are a tough balance.

I have two little miracles say "good morning mommy" every day and if those amongst the others are the only miracles I'm meant to have in this life then so be it.  I  said to my pastor the other day that perhaps God created cancer as a way to bring us all home.  When you are suffering like I am, you can't help but imagine that there has to be more to our lives than just our time here on Earth.  I am not saying I'm giving up, like I said I have hope but I also have acceptance. 

I continue to get heart felt letters, prayers, cards, emails, texts and it's all what keeps me going.  I haven't really been able to talk on the phone much, a little too emotional, but these other means of communication are very therapeutic for me and I greatly appreciate them all.  I apologize I am not being very good about responding but I am tired, and sick and don't have much energy.

I did have a paracentisis Friday (drainage of fluid) and was able to have a decent day yesterday.  I spent a lot of time out in the sun, although I have to be laying down most of the time beause of my nausea.  I have been able to go on very small walks with breaks in the middle but I'm trying to get out when I can, although I really don't feel up for much.

Need a laugh? I did!

So I found myself texting my dear friend on the way home from chemo, the one who let us borrow her sweet ride.  I was telling her about chemo today and it occured to me you all might like this story.

I ended up taking a plethora of mind altering  drugs, only ones I know names of are Benadryl and morphine.  Anyway, at the end the very kind Irish looking nurse developed an Irish accent.  (Now you see why I told you I was on drugs).  But it was so real I was getting upset that no one else heard it.  I embarrassed the sweet thing and I am outraged that no one would admit they could hear it.  I debated googling signs to look for of a leprechaun.  I realized if I ever wanted to go home I'd better not push it for fear of being admitted for nothing to do with cancer!

Well before i made the nurse think im crazy i must have gotten her to like me because she got me another private room with bathroom and bed, score!  only thing is the pump i take home is a lot bigger, noisier and heavier than old one and i have detach it myself instead of havig nurse come.  that's all I've got, if I have the energy I will check in tmrw!

Chemo today

I am currently getting chemo.  Few set backs with reaction to something but nothing major.  Confirmed another tumor on my rib today.  A place that has always bothered me and drs had said was normal.  The scan shows it as soft tissue tumor.  No wonder I can't sleep at night I'm covered in them!  My sweet, sweet neighbor has loaned us her awesome van for a few days to make all the trips easier to Boston.  I also had another 2.4 liters drained yesterday.

I am surprisingly feeling ok today, which I think is related to beig drained yesterday, have it scheduled again for Friday.

No chemo today

I was up last night all night, really sick.  We have been worried about a tumor pushing on my intestines and creating a blockage.  The dr was worried as well.  She ordered an X-ray to see if anything was blocked and the X-ray did not show a blockage.  By the time this got ordered and the radiologist viewed it, it was too late to do chemo today.  The next assigned day for chemo is Wednesday.

"words are not what I want to send"

I just received a card from one of my cousins who doesn't live close enough to just stop by to see me and give me a hug.  The card itself was very sweet, but She wrote on the card "there were no cards that said what I wanted, but I think it is because words are not what I want to send.  I want to send all the love and positive energy I can to help you continue to stay strong.  You are amazing, courageous, strong and resilient.  I pray you can keep your head high and your spirit light." Lindsey Pettus

Thank you Lindsey, I keep crying every time I read your card.  I know that wasn't your intention but I feel the love!  I think the reason this struck my heart so much is because that is what everyone says, "I don't know what to say" and I totally understand that, I don't know what to say either.  Lindsey brings up the point that words aren't enough, it's everything else, the love and the positive energy that matters.

My brother has also been amazing, he doesn't have children of his own but he is amazing with my children.  Ben could get paid to get kids to eat their vegetables at dinner time, he really is impressive, it is probably cause he's a vegan :) or wait, is it cause he's my brother?  Either way, I don't want him to leave.    

I have been pretty miserable lately, I am nauseous, my stomach hurts when I eat, it hurts when I don't, and juicing is almost impossible because it just wants to come back up.  I change my mind daily of whether or not I'm going through with chemo.  I am too sick to eat well enough to feel I am treating the cancer with vegetables so I decide to do chemo.  Then I think no I will get better, I can do this without chemo, and yet I don't feel better.  I have lost 10 lbs and that is with continuing to retain fluid, so that is not good.

Anyway, enough of that, this week in RI has been absolutely gorgeous and I have enjoyed sitting outside and going for walks when I feel I can, love that sunshine!

Taking names

Hi Everyone,

This is Leah's friend Kim. I was hoping you'd help me with a little project I'm working on for Leah. I won't get too specific because I don't want to spoil the surprise for Leah, but will make sure you know about it when it's done.

I’d like to put the names of everyone rooting for her on this item so she can be reminded whenever she sees it. It means a lot to her to know there are so many people out there supporting her.

If you would like to be included, please email your name to kmccarthy1040@gmail.com (or if you know me and would prefer to contact me another way, that works too). Please include the names of any family/friends who would like to participate, but please avoid sending duplicate emails. This was the best way I knew how to reach everyone Leah knows but I know some people may not be blog checkers, so please spread the word! I'd like to have everyone's names by Saturday October 12th.

It can be: first and last names, just first names, “___ Family”, and/or groups, etc. Whatever you’re comfortable with. The more the better, but I’d like to focus on names that hold significance and don’t want this to go viral to people who may not be familiar with Leah’s story.

If for some reason, someone would like to remain anonymous but still show their support, the best thing I can think of is to comment saying "anonymous" or whatever you'd like to be listed as.

I wont save anyone's email addresses and you wont be signed up for spam or anything, I promise. If you'd rather not email you can always post as a comment, but I'd like to keep the majority of people "hidden" from Leah till she sees it.

You are all awesome! Thanks!!

Dear God, just Wow!

When I was little I had this puzzle that was one of those plastic ones that you slide the pieces  around and make them fit into a picture, the ones that are harder than they look.  Mine was of a little girl and there was text that said, "Dear God, just Wow!"   That's how I felt today when I looked at the blog stats.  980 page views today.  I know there are a lot of trigger happy page refreshers and it counts all of that but that means that at least 980 times today, and the days not over, someone was thinking of me, ME.  Dear God just wow!  

So my fellow followers, my friends, my family, the friends and family of friends and family, thank you.  I have been flooded with emails, texts, and comments and feel so surrounded by love and that is what I need.

I don't know how to explain God's puzzle, this is harder than the little plasticy slider one for sure, but I feel as though if a miracle were to happen, he has everyone's attention.  Whether it be the diet or prayer I am ready. 

Dr said there's a 50% chance of the chemo working.  I don't like those odds.  I need to post at a later time some survivor stories of people shrinking tumors with diet, an if you have any please share.  

Drained another 2 liters today, what a relief.  The fluid slows my bowels and appetite and makes it hard to do much of anything.  

So please know I'm a little more comfortable for the moment and that's all I can do is go moment to moment.

Thank you all again, you are all amazing!