thankful list

I finally heard back from a Dr I have been calling in Boston and I have an appointment on Wednesday! So I think this is a start to a thankful list that I have been wanting to post. I am so thankful for my mom. She has been so awesome since all this started and during this stressful time where I am not able to make a decision. She insists she isn't phased by the fact that she has no idea what her future holds since she will continue to stay here and help me if I choose to do more treatment. I am thankful for all the friends and family who sent me suggestions of Drs to see in Boston. I am thankful for my kids who are the ultimate distraction from my disease and who I can get lost in play with which allows me to escape from my stressful world. I am thanful for my aunt who has already been through this journey and can share her experiences with me and encourage me in only the way someone else who has been there can.  I am thankful for husband and my cousin Rachael who is like a sister and is my patient advocate. Rachael and Bryan attend all my Drs appointments and are doing constant research on HIPEC. They are my "board members" and we have started holding meetings to go over our research and options on my treatment process. I am thankful for all my friends and family who are in constant contact with me and make sure I'm okay after I make depressing blog posts :)

I am still considering doing the HIPEC but then when to do it is a big question.  I would love to be able to enjoy some of my summer and not worry about my incisions and swimming and of course my energy level.  we have a vacation planned in July that I would like to go on but that of course depends on if and when I do the HIPEC. I am not sure if its better to get it over with and maybe still enjoy my summer or if it will ruin my summer to dread the HIPEC the whole time.  Or will it ruin my summer to be scared I have cancer growing in me, or will i still be thinking that even if I get the HIPEC, did it work, was it worth it?

I have read about a lot of cancer survivors who have felt that cancer changed them for the better and that they wouldn't change their life if they could. Of course these are people who are disease free and are able to take away positive aspects of fighting cancer and their experiences. I can't say that I am there yet, I think I need to win at least one battle before I can declare anything like that. I do however, have to say that I have learned a lot through this experience which I am grateful for. I have learned how precious life is and and how important friends and family are. I have learned that even when you don't know what to say to someone who is going through something like myself, calling or texting or emailing anything at all is better than saying or doing nothing. As long as your heart is in the right place that is all that matters.