I have been so reluctant to blog because I haven't had the heart to sit here and tell you all what I have been experiencing and going through the past week, mentally and physicaly. But alas you are my loyal followers and I know you're still there and you deserve an update!
I was violently ill this past week with vomiting and sweats and misery. I was in bed for a week from the chemo and that was only from the pump drug not the main ingredient that used to make me really sick. We aren't sure if all of my symptoms are from the chemo, the chemo and the cancer, or both. I have a new tumor that feels very large that pushes on my diapgrham. I am not sure if this is the root of my eating problems but I have a very hard time eating and keeping food down. This has been going on for like a month, the eating problems.
I have a constant internal struggle about how much suffering is worth staying here on Earth for. I love my children and my husband my family so dearly but the suffering is just too much sometimes and fogs my head and makes me feel torn between just wanted to go to heaven to be at peace FINALLY and to end the suffering that seems to be so constant for me.
As I tucked my daughter in last night she said, "mom do you think you'll be sick tomorrow?" Please pray for a good day, positive energy, hope and light. Please pray for my eating and my children and my family.
Leah,
ReplyDeleteI only imagine the struggles you are dealing with. Please know we love you and pray for your serenity! God grant us the Senerity to except the things we can not change, courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference. I will keep praying for you.
John
so saddened by your continued struggles....praying for you..
ReplyDeletepraying. i love you
ReplyDeleteTears streaming down my face....... I have no words. What John wrote reflects my thoughts, too. I wish you could enjoy your family, your kids and not be in such physical discomfort/pain. Our bodies are destructible and mortal. Our souls are not. You have a strong and courageous and honest soul, Leah. It will live on with you through whatever journey you continue to take, here now and whatever future is in store.
ReplyDeletemissy
Dear Leah, I am so sorry you are in such pain and discomfort. It deeply saddens me that you are experiencing this. I am praying and thinking of you constantly. I hope you have peace this weekend to enjoy sunshine and a clear head.
ReplyDeleteLove, Brenna
Leah,
ReplyDeleteI log onto your blog almost every day in the hope of seeing an update and finally getting good news. I am sorry that you have had such a terrible week and were so sick and very uncomfortable. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Liz G.
Dear Leah
ReplyDeleteMy wish for you is to find peace. Prayers and positive energy. You and your family are in my prayers. I hope you can get through this awful time quickly! You are an amazing person, woman, and mother. Your strength and will is an inspiration. Thinking of you and family.
Best wishes,
Lynn Gettings
I love you Leah, prayers for you through out my day.
ReplyDeleteLeah, Good News and Bad News alike I thank you for keeping us updated. We are always pulling for you and hoping that you will find a balance of peace and serenity here with us. Take good care my friend and I hope you will feel well enough to join us Saturday! No pressure if you cannot. We will continue to keep you in our prayers and hope that God will not give you more than you can handle. Always a phone call away!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you often Leah and sorry to hear of the discomfort lately. Hope things get more comfortable soon. DaveL
ReplyDeleteLeah, my thoughts and prayers continue for you each and everyday. I pray for strength for you physically and emotionally. I pray for strength for your family as well, especially for those little ones. Everytime you mention them in your blog, my eyes well up with tears. I take comfort knowing what wonderful parents they have.
ReplyDelete