Missing Leah

Please be sure to check out Ben's post below this. I didn't want to take away from his post.

Leah passed away a year ago today. She was the best friend I’ve ever had and her friendship changed my life. I am blessed to have many wonderful, supportive, close friends, but Leah stands out. I recently and inadvertently learned that astrologically we saw the world in much the same way and I don’t know what I believe, but that feels right and nice.

She was the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met and I always told her this. She’d go out of her way for people even when she didn’t know them very well. This was how she worked her way into my heart. After only knowing her a couple months and she met my former, unfavorable boyfriend, she discreetly organized a monthly girls group so that I might be surrounded by love and supportive strong women should I decide one day that I deserved more than what I was getting in my relationship. She only confessed her intentions years later after I had done just that and after we had cemented our friendship, then the puzzle pieces  of those get togethers all made sense. 

People’s birthdays were important to her – or rather I should say that celebrating a person was important to her and birthdays were the perfect excuse to make someone feel special. She organized all the birthdays at work, and I know she was just as diligent for friends and family. Even while she was going through chemotherapy and feeling miserable, she would remember birthdays, and ask for a friend’s latest news and feel empathy even when it was small in comparison to her own struggles, and she would see to it that everyone felt comfortable when they visited with her even though it was a difficult time.

She had a hearty, genuine, contagious laugh and she always had a funny story to share. She could turn a simple grocery store trip into a story that would have me throwing back my head to laugh. The stories about her kids were the best. She always had a glimmer in her eye when talking about them. Even during the darkest moments towards the end, she would light up whenever Elly or Drew entered the room. She was an amazing mom and so in love with her kids.

She loved her family so much and would talk about them to the point where you felt like you already knew all the best things about them before you even met them. I love how a friend summed up how Leah put it all out there: “This is who I am and this is my family. Here it is.” Leah made everyone feel included and she opened up to me and let me into her family. It has been a privilege to know such wonderful people and see the supportive, loving network they wove when a family member was in need.

Leah liked peppers and onions on her pizza. I don’t know why, but this is important to me and I can’t have a bell pepper without thinking about her. And as odd as it sounds, same deal with flossing my teeth probably because I saw her floss her teeth every single night for as long as she physically could. If it were me, flossing would probably have been one of the first things I stopped doing, haha.

It was easier to be with her than to not be with her. I was able to come over and help care for Leah frequently during the 2.5 years after her diagnosis and she was so easy to care for because she was so grateful and graceful. Her mom and primary caretaker summed it up perfectly today , and I couldn’t agree more. “I kept expecting her to rage at the injustice of it all, to say “why me?”, or just to break down and scream or cry. She never did any of those things. She never got difficult to care for or to please and she was always grateful. She would weep quietly at times, especially after holding one of the kids. She continued to live and plan things as long as she was able. Leah had the combination of being strong and continuing to live, but also accepting her death.” Everyone is different and handles things differently and it's not right or wrong, but i particularly admired Leah's style in this regard.

It’s taken me a year, numerous drafts , deletions, tears, and giving up, to finally post this. It’s no where near as perfect as I envisioned or wanted it to be to honor her memory. And there is so much that could have been said. But I hope it is a good glimpse.