Pink Tip #4

GPS yourself, this is what the book calls it.  The book says, "Meet yourself where you are in this journey.  The cancer trip is an up and down road--some days you're strong and ready, other days you're weak and want to give up.  Find out where you are on any given day emotionally and go from there."

I think back on how sick I was when I started chemo again.  I feel so much better now, and can't believe what I went through.  If I knew the chemo was going to work and how much better I'd feel I wouldn't have been so torn about doing it, but alas, there is no crystal ball is there?

 Well speaking of GPS, I am heading to Tucson next week on Saturday, for a week.  I can NOT wait to soak up some sun.  My mother in law is coming out to help with the kids and just my mom and I are going.  Then I get to fly back with my brother!  How lucky am I??  I feel like i'm finally getting over this awful cold and hope I can be in decent health to go for long walks in the sun and just be outside, maybe go find my rock to lay on in the desert!

I have chemo monday and I am NOT looking forward to it.  I just feel so sick by the end of the treatment that I can't wait to just get home and go to bed.  I keep making appointments to get drained and then cancel them because I just don't feel like there is enough there. I think there is a little bit but not enough to go through the awful procedure. The further I get away from it the more I don't ever want to do it again.  It has been almost 6 weeks I think, and I am so grateful I don't have to go twice a week like I was doing, that was awful! 

Thanksgiving

I don't think I'll be eating Turkey this year for the first time ever at Thanksgiving.  Of course every holiday is a little different for me from now on anyway.  How much is a little bit of turkey going to matter.

I was trying to find a great thankful quote to put up for today but I couldn't find anything that I thought was good enough.  I guess the bottomline is that we all have something to be thankful for.  The more we say thanks the less we are complaining and being ungrateful.  So let's all find a few things to be thankful for today!

I am thankful that the chemo seems to be working!  I am grateful that I have heat and a home especially when it is so cold and rainy!  I am thankful for my family and friends that have been such a great support to me!  I am thankful for my children who make me smile every day. 

Pink Tip #3

Let It Go- Much of the cancer journey is out of my control.  The book says, Nobody plans to have cancer.  I like that, I have always felt it is necessary to Let go and Let God.  This also ties in with the serenity prayer. 

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." Charles Darwin

We definitely have to adapt and go with the flow, othwerwise we're going upstream against the current and it just makes everything more difficult and challenging.  Here is another quote I like from the book:

When you're finished changing, you're finished." Benjamin Franklin

pink tip #2

Pink Tip #2
It is impossible to go over or under a cancer diagnosis you have to go through it.  I think I wrote the quote a while back, "the only way out is through".  I feel like this is another way of saying that.  And taking one day at a time is a great way of doing this, that's what I have to do.

"Sometimes courage does not roar.  Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow."  Maryanne Radmacher

pink tips

My cousin Rachael gave me this book that her friend gave to her to give to me.. you follow that?  Anyway, cool thing is the author signed it and wrote a note personally to me!   The book is called Pink Tips and is tips for someone going through breast cancer.  Although I do not have that type of cancer a lot of the tips are for someone going through cancer in general and I found them really insightful.  Also there are some amazing quotes she has in there too.  I want to share some of this with you over the next few days posting parts of this book because it was that good. 

The first part I liked was the section about "Just showing up"  It basically says you don't have to have all the answers for your friend going through cancer, just show up for them and help them fight it.  I have had so many friends and family do this for me and it is true, just being there, whether you know what to say or not, and let's face it, no one knows what to say, just show up and you don't have to say anything at all!

 My aunt who has ovarian cancer that I am very close with is going to have to go back into treatment.  I of all people don't even know what to say to that.  It just sucks, what else is there to say.  But I can give her a huge hug and tell her I'm here.  So that's what I do. 

"Success is not in getting a winning hand but playing a bad hand well."  Robert Louis Stevenson 

stories

I have had a few people around my age tell me recently that they have had colonoscopies in the past year.  I was pretty surprised, but so glad to hear that my story had prompted them to take action and make sure they didn't have anything like cancer going on with their bodies.  I am so taken aback by stories like these where I feel like I made a difference in someones life without really even doing anything!

And I am so glad to hear that people are being proactive and learning from my mistakes, that's all that I could ask for.  Thankfully no one ended up in my situation but that's the point right to be PRO-active before anything turns into cancer!

I have had a cold for over 2 weeks and it just makes everything a little more difficult. It seems so petty to complain about a cold but whatever, I am on chemo and everything is pretty crappy.  I am sometimes sleeping in a bed now, when I can tolerate the pain on my side.  One side is tolerable, the other is not.

I did not get drained when I had my chemo this week.  I missed my apt because everything took so long but there really isn't anything there to drain.  I am also not sad to have missed out on that experience!  I hope I never have to do it again but there might be a tiny bit there that will never go away without doing it, we will see.  It's so hard to tell.

A very cloudy dreary day here in RI, I hope there is sunshine where you are!

Save the Date!

This is Leah’s friend Kim again.

I’ve had the wonderful privilege of working with Leah at SEA Corp for several years.  Many of our coworkers at SEA Corp have enlisted the help of several of her friends and family to organize an event in support of Leah called Band Together for Leah.

It will take place at the Elk’s in Newport  on January 18^th from 6-10:30pm. There will be live music (Bow to Your Sensei!, HAZMAT, and The Merge), raffles, silent auctions, cash bar, food, and good times!

The details aren’t finalized yet, but we’re looking into pre-selling tickets to prevent reaching over capacity at the venue. We’ll make another post when things are finalized, and in the meantime you can check out the Facebook page.

Serenity Prayer

Does everyone know the Serenity Prayer?  I have found myself saying it lately and I really like it, it is very soothing to me.  For those that don't know it:

 "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  The courage to change the things I can.  And the wisdom to know the difference."

I looked up the definition of serenity:

se•ren•i•ty (səˈrɛn ɪ ti)

n.

the state or quality of being serene; tranquillity

 

Aww serene and tranquil, doesn't that sound nice?  I just find this prayer so fitting to my situation and I'm sure anyone can probably apply it to their life.  There are a lot of things I have to accept that I cannot change in my life.  There are definitely things I do have control of, and I try to take the courage to change these for the positive like my attitude and outlook.  And it is sometimes difficult to distinguish what I can control and change.  I like the idea of asking God for help in this area and just wanted to share my thoughts with all of you :)

Snow

I haven't posted in a while.  I feel like every day brings a new challenge or ailment and it is never ending.  I have been getting out a little more the past few days which is nice.  I feel accomplished if i can make plans and follow through regardless of how I'm feeling.  Today it is snowing and it makes me a little anxious about the winter.  My neuropathy has gotten significantly worse and the cold does not help.   Brrrrr

Nausea

Nausea seems to be my new friend.  I haven't had a great past few days but I did get to sit in the sun yesterday.  I have, I believe, mastered flushing and removing my own pump which is a relief.  I got scared last time and had to call Bryan home.  This time I waited for him to be around and was able to do it.  I got a crash course from the nurse last time on a pretend port.  It's pretty easy once you know what you're doing.  It was more the removal than the flushing that scared me.

The Dr confirmed that if the ascites (fluid) has remained at bay that the chemo is working!  Also she said she thought the tumors were smaller.  She mentioned something about taking a break period at some point from chemo so that was nice to hear.  I'm sure it's way down the road.  Also my next scan will be Dec 9.

sometimes I like to curl up in a ball

My kids have this book called, Sometimes I like go curl up in a ball, by Vicki Churchill and Charles Fuge. I have been thinking about this book for months.  The beginning and ending are my favorite.
   " Sometimes I like to curl up in a ball so no one can see me because I'm so small.  But when the day ends and the sun starts to fall, then I do what I do best of all,I find somewhere soft, somewhere cozy and small and that's where I like to curl up in a ball."
I don't know if it is the comfort of the fetal position or the feeling of being warm and cozy but I have been very sad that I cannot curl up in a ball.  Because of the size and location of my tumors I can't curl up or lay on my sides.  So this is one of my goals, to be able to curl up in a ball at some point, in the sun!

I am on my way to chemo in my nice new van my dad generously bought us.  Had a good day yesterday.  Still minimal fluid build up!  I do have a cold so let's hope that doesn't turn into
anything else.  Enjoy the sun for me while I am stuck inside all day!